The Winter Gathering

Come to the Olde Smack in Leigh on Sea on 3rd March for warmth, rum and piracy with Captain Morgan’s Rum Do and friends

Winter FlyerWrite and perform your own pirate song (there will be prizes) … go on, you know you want to!

We are still negotiating terms with our guest band – these pirates drive a hard bargain!

Hails and farewells

Mother Cutbeard writes (because she can)

Ahoy there!

Those of you who have the eyesight of the wandering albatross – or a good spyglass – may have noticed some changes of lineup in our crew.

Aye, there have indeed been comings and goings aboard our vessel in the past sailing season.  Our first and most deeply mourned loss, Rommel the ship’s cat, a king among mousers and the terror of rat-kind, fought his last skirmish in late June at the grand age of 18 years or possibly 20, which be a good innings for a pirate of any species.  We buried him as he would have wished, over the side, and his spirit swims free among the fish of the sea – which will be a pleasant change from the rats and mice aboard our vessel.

I ought also to record the untimely, but not entirely unexpected, end of my long-lost son Black John.  Despite his unfortunate start in life, ripped as he was from my arms when but two hours old, it must be said of him that throughout his short life he never lost any opportunity to make a bad situation even worse.  Moreover, he never passed up any opportunity to indulge his baser instincts, and it was this that brought about his downfall.

We dropped anchor at Port Royal, which as ye be aware, is a thorough cesspit of abomination when it comes to the appetites of the flesh. Now John had already picked up a touch of the Spanish Pox when we called at Tortuga, but he’d applied the poultices, and we paid a wench skilled in simples, going by the name of Calico Cat, to cup him and lance his pustules.

So, as we touched Port Royal, John were more himself, but sadly, this meant that he was all the more inclined to indulge his aforesaid filthy lusts in this dunghill of debauchery. Into the sinks, the stews, the bawdy-places, the molly-houses, the taverns and the gaming-dens he plunged despite the warnings of his friends.  By the time he sought to return to the ship he was again infected with the Spanish Pox.  What a ghastly sight he was, black from corruption of his flesh and pustules such as in my life I never saw, the size of golden guineas and joining up with one another.  For the good of the rest of the crew, the Captain decided that we would not take him back on board, as we could not now nurse him and the Spanish Pox be such a virulent plague.  So there we left him to his fate, and may his fall be a warning to all young pirates who crave to so indulge.

We welcome to our crew two sprightly young females, one a cat, one a woman.  Hobnob the Slayer (cat) has joined us as ship’s mouser, and Calico Cat (woman) the same who lanced Black John’s pustules, has come on board to replace him in his duties. Not only can this wench lance boils and pack cutlass-wounds, she can handle a pistol as well as any man alive, and is nimble in the rigging to boot. Thus our crew be again complete.

Now for more adventures!

2017 Gigs!

24/25 June 2017 -  Leigh on Sea Folk Festival (timings to be confirmed)

16 September 2017 – International Talk Like a Pirate Day at Fox’s Marina Yacht Club, The Strand, Wherstead IP2 8SA

2017 – January – February

Eventful month, during which the ever-beloved Mother Cutbeard, ship’s maid-of-all work, has required the services of the best barber-surgeon that money could buy. Clearly, he weren’t much good – even after being sobered up – so she has for the time being lost the use of her strong right arm. The crew think she brought it upon herself by her policy of not carrying her cutlass on a Sunday, the day of the week when this lamentable tragedy occurred. Good news is, she is still as lethal with her left as her right, and will soon be back on board! Details of 2017 sailings to follow!

Show a leg! Show a leg … ewww, not that one!

What a bunch of lazy pirates we have been, not updating our website!!

You have just missed us at Brixham, and we hope you won’t hold it against us. We’ve had one or two random problems with the website and haven’t managed to get our piratical acts sufficiently together until now.

But, be that as it may – photographs and videos of that stunning event are or will shortly be available on our Facebook page for your enjoyment. Here’s one which may encourage you to go and look …


Our only real excuses are that three of the band are in the middle of recording an album (that’ll be Triangle, then) and the percussionist is buying a boat. Which is, when you think about it, quite a reasonable thing for a pirate to do. We will be telling you more about that in the near future!


New Year … New Horizons

Here we are in 2016 already – it hardly seems possible!

There have been some big changes going on: the Captain has finally kicked the world of 9-5 into the briny, given up getting up early, and set sail into full-time musicianship (he should have done it years ago!) May we recommend that you check out his other projects on his website.

We already have 2016 bookings, but more details will follow over the next couple of months as times and dates are confirmed.

Thank you, Brixham!

Despite less-than-ideal weather, we had a great time at Brixham. The music went down well, and the Captain told us he had more songs for us – how exciting! Thanks particularly to Louis (main stage) and Ian (family stage) for sound, John and Jean at the Smugglers Haunt for B & B (Jean’s fried bread is to die for!), the Smugglers Retreat for superb evening meals and an assortment of well-appointed taverns for liquid refreshment. We will be adding some photos to our site shortly, but, in the meantime, why not go to the Festival’s facebook page and have a look there.

Brixham Main Stage

As a footnote, John and Jean are planning to retire soon (which is why I haven’t put a weblink to the Smugglers Haunt) – here’s wishing them a good ‘un!